Thank God The Holidays Are Over!

Quick update this week, mainly because I’m been working on this and that and recovering from the holidays as we all are. I’ve been eating way too much crap, so my year starts with a detox.

This week’s collage is Barry and a hellhound he runs into in the first book. The beast gets the better of him, as do most of the bad guys in Call for Obstruction. I like to think that Barry would have a hellhound as a pet in a future book. Not sure how to write it in yet though.

Watched about the worst holiday horror movie this week. The Curse of Jack Frost came out last year, and it has that same slow motion problem. Jack Frost wasn’t at all frightening, and too obvious a guy in a mask. The storyline was lacking and the characters were annoying. Boy can I pick ’em. The only written reviews for this movie are 1 out of 10 on IMDB, and they were generous. Give me some credit for sitting through the entire movie. But I do give credit to anyone who finishes a film and gets it out there. It’s a huge accomplishment. In this case, you can only hope they learn from their mistakes and make it better the next time.

All I got this week. HAPPY NEW YEAR! It’s going to be a good one!

Being Chased by White Warriors & Awesome Holiday Horror Movies

More AI art this week. This represents Barry in Call for Obstruction, when he’s being chased by white warriors. Don’t forget that the eBook is $1.99 through the end of the year. If you have no idea what a white warrior is, I’ve added Barry’s first encounter with one below.

Let me start by mentioning that I watched the 1974 version of Black Christmas this week for the first time. It’s one of those I can’t believe I haven’t seen. I probably don’t have to tell you it was great!

Also watched The Nights Before Christmas (2019) about a one-eyed psycho Santa with an ax and various other ways to make you bleed and suffer. It’s another poorly rated holiday horror movie at 3.8, but I loved it. I personally thought Simon Phillips (Santa) and Sayla de Goede (Mrs. Claus) were awesome in their roles as the crazies. Despite most of the reviews being 1 and 2 stars, there are quite a few 10 star reviews. That says there is an audience as demented as me for this one. If you’re like me and love indie horror movies, watch this one.

Barry’s Introduction to White Warriors

Two hours south of Denver, I feel as though I’ve been on the road half the day. Even fifty-five dollars an hour can’t make up for this much boredom. I’ve thought about ditching the van, but every time I do, I let out a dusty fart.

An unmistakable hacking cough echoes throughout the cab. “Margery?” It’s like she’s in my head, but not in my head.

“Yeah, Honey, it’s Margery.”

I jump in my seat and look around. “Where the hell are you?” A light on the radio catches my eye. It flickers like it’s on the fritz. Is that the source of her voice? I turn the only knob on it, but it doesn’t seem to do anything.

“Wanted to let you know a few of the drivers have encountered a flock of those birds I warned you about. They’re just south of Pueblo. Close to your current location.”

“Those things really exist?” I shift in my seat and look skyward.

“Why would I warn you about something that doesn’t exist?”

“I’m not a zoologist, but who would take man-sized birds that attack speeding vehicles seriously.”

“If you’re finished, Mister Smarty-pants, you’re in one of the new vans. The damage should be minimal.”

“Damage?” I squeeze tight on the steering wheel and talk at the radio. “Wouldn’t it be better to get off the highway? Wait for them to clear?”

Her voice fills the cab. “You’ll do no such thing. You’ll get that cargo to Trinidad ASAP.”

“It’s my first day.” My heart races faster.

“You have two options.” She lets out a long sigh that’s more of a growl. “Keep on the road or hide in a gas station restroom and shit out your intestines.”

Something tells me I’ll shit my pants either choice I make. I mumble, “Bitch.”

Considering today’s been nothing but clear blue sky, I doubt the white mass off to my right is a cloud. It enlarges as it descends. “I think I see them.”

“And they see you, Honey.”

“I’m not ready for this.”

“Too bad,” she says. “Keep it on the road and don’t stop. They can’t hurt you unless you stop.”

With wings that flap at a twelve-foot span, the birds swoop in. The first one dives straight at the windshield and hits the passenger side like a cannon ball. At least twenty more dive-bomb behind it.

The van rocks and swerves, but miraculously none of the birds break through.

I lean forward in my seat and hover over the steering wheel, struggling to keep the van on the road. My chin trembles. “This isn’t happening.”

“It sure is, Honey.”

“Stop calling me Honey.”

Margery hacks a laugh so hard she could hyperventilate.

“Shut up. This is not funny.” I floor the gas pedal, not that this van could outrun them, but it’s worth a try. “Shit! This is The Birds movie on steroids.”

“Stop talking and concentrate or you’ll end up bird feed.” Margery continues to bark out directions, but only half of what she says is discernible amid the screeching birds and flapping of wings against the windshield.

My neck whips backward as a ghostly white, human face head-butts the windshield. The monster snarls and punches the glass, which shatters, but just as quickly, the cracks fuse back into one clear sheet.

“They’re not birds,” I whisper at first, then reiterate for Margery’s benefit as loud as my voice allows. “They’re not birds.”

Outside the driver’s side window, another monster has a tight grip on the mirror. It bares sharp teeth and violently yanks at the door handle.

My body tilts to the right. The steering wheel rotates the same direction through clammy hands. “Ah!” I slam on the brakes to force the thing off the van. The vehicle goes into a tailspin before skidding to a stop.

Margery barks like a drill sergeant, “What part of ‘keep moving’ did you not understand?”

My foot forces the gas pedal to the floor even though my view is obstructed. “I’m trying. I’m trying,” I keep saying. I skid back around to head south and somehow manage to drive back onto the pavement.

“Hold it steady,” Margery says. “Help’s arrived.”

“Thank God.”

“Honey, God’s got nothing to do with this mission.”

Darkness descends over the van. A few of the toothy bastards break away, replaced by black wings and deafening squawks from a murder of crows. A pecking and clawing war between black and white commences overhead.

Blood rains down on the windshield, blocking my sight. My stomach turns as I fiddle with the dashboard controls. The wipers come on and jets of blue cleaning fluid squirt onto the gory mess.

The white creatures retreat back into the sky, a black veil in pursuit. Maybe I’m safe, but that doesn’t stop the full body shivers or loosen my tight chest. “Margery, help! Can’t…breathe. Having…heart attack.”

“Don’t be silly. You’re in shock?”

Shock. This is…not shock.” A bead of sweat streams down my forehead.

“When’s the last time you were pummeled by a flock of giant birds?”

“Those were not birds.” I pound my fist on my chest and white-knuckle the steering wheel with my other hand. “Seriously. Call an ambulance.”

“I don’t have time for this nonsense. Pull yourself together and finish your run to Trinidad.” There’s silence. Margery’s gone.

Buy Call for Obstruction on Amazon!

Angels Dark and Dumb on Barnes and Noble & Corner of Hell and Second Chances Preview

Howdy all! It’s been a few weeks.

Got a collage for ya with Trisha the angel apprentice. I’m getting kinda irritated with Canva because it’s been buggy lately. Doesn’t like to remove backgrounds consistently and when you save the file, some images regain their background. So, I’m going to start using Photoshop exclusively because the images just come out better. I really need to do more videos too.

Anyway, I thought I’d mention that the first two books in Angels Dark and Dumb are now on Barnes & Noble. Follow the links to purchase Call for Obstruction and Warrant for Damnation. You can only get the paper version at the moment, but the eBook should be available soon.

I also finished the first chapter of Corner of Hell and Second Chances. I’m sure it will change a bit before the book is published, but I decided to include it here just for fun.

Corner of Hell and Second Chances

Chapter 1

I’d rather poke my eyes out than ride in another one of Satan’s transport vans, but here I am, sitting in the passenger seat beside my self-proclaimed babysitter. At least we’ve escaped southern Colorado and have made it halfway to Denver without being attacked by his evil forces.

My grip on the door handle tightens as Candy pushes the petal to the metal and weaves into the left lane to pass a semi-truck. The horn on the car she cut off speaks to what I already know—she’s an asshole. At least she is to me. While staring into the rearview mirror, she snarls and grunts. With short blond hair combed upward into a mohawk, camouflaged t-shirt and stretch pants, and spit-shined combat boots, she plays the role of psycho driver well.

Maybe she’s trying to wreck the van and take off my head, the easiest way to remove a Nephilim like me from Earth. But if she beheads herself, she’ll be in Hell’s refugee camp, guarding lost souls. My fate’s a million times worse than hers, considering the many warrants for damnation Satan has issued in my name, one of which is for accidentally helping my old demon boss plugging up one of the Gates of Hell that was nearly ready to open. Only one reason it’s insane for me to be in one of his vans.

Then again, after the last few days, the CEO of Hell should think twice before sucking me down to Hell. I’m half fallen angel and half Daughter of Light with the ability to absorb supernatural abilities from dark beings. Yesterday I stole half of my fallen angel father’s knowledge and otherworldly abilities, although I have no idea what sort of havoc I’m capable of reaping yet. I never know what I’ve poached from a demon until a circumstance calls its use, like when I spit fire in a guys face.

We reach the last exit to Monument, Colorado, marked by a blue sign covered with gas station and fast-food logos that tempt my hungry gut. “Get off at the next exit… Let’s pick up burgers.” I bounce in my seat and my head grazes against the ceiling. Sometimes it sucks to be nearly seven feet tall.

“Are you nuts? It’s bad enough Pete’s making us transport evil energy canisters to Denver. If Satan catches us with his property…” Candy shakes her head and wiggles in a seat too small for her massive ass. She’s right about not stopping, so I’m quick to let it go, but she’s not. “We will stay planted in this van until we reach the church drop off in Denver. Then I’m getting as far away as possible. Think about it. Evil energy that near a holy building and righteous humans could turn us into salt.”

“Yeah, fine,” I say snidely. “I didn’t want to do this anymore than you did. But with Margery buried up in the mountains, I agree with Pete. We couldn’t just leave five truckloads of evil energy at her Trinidad warehouse.”

“Pete may be in charge, but he hasn’t been making the best decisions since his demon reactivated.”

Last thing I want to do is trash Pete and his demon. He’s put up with a lot of my crap. And he and Boss have a long history, battling my father, Azael. “He’s doing the best he can under the circumstances. And think about what we were able the accomplish the last few days. Azael’s weakened, Margery’s out of the way, most of the skaks are dead or turned into white warriors—”

“Yeah, yeah, but you didn’t finish off Azael, did you? Now we have to search Denver for the Bastard, all because you couldn’t finish the job.”

Whatever, I think. But what else would I expect from a woman who thinks I’m the master of failure.

I lean over and unzip the gym bag near my feet to retrieve a box of Fruity Loopy cereal I snagged from the warehouse. Instead, my gut churns when I spy a cigar butt on the floorboard. I reach for it, careful to hold the ash end between the tip of my thumb and index finger, as if it might discharge poison. While dry heaving, I reflect on its owner, a conniving son of a bitch rightly condemned to guard Hell’s refugee camp. Slimeball helped set me up for closing the Gates of Hell.

I shove the chewed on mouth end between Candy’s lips.

“What the…? She slaps my hand. “Is that Vern’s?”

“Yeah.” Although I don’t know why she’d asking. We were assigned his old van and everything around us smells like a cross between cedar-scented cigars and old-man farts.

I jab her cheek, missing her mouth this time. “Is it like kissing him?”

This time she punches my arm. The van veers right and so do I, her freakish brute strength forcing my torso against the door and my head against the window. The cigar flies through the air and lands in her lap. She jumps in her seat, as if the cigar is still lit, mumbling every curse word in the book.

I laugh so hard, snot flies from my nose and hits the dashboard.

“Won’t think it’s so funny when I throw your ass out and make you walk to Denver.” Candy throws the butt back at me, then she points at the ninety-eight degrees, registering on the rear-view mirror. “See that temperature?”

“Damn, can’t you take a joke.” I brush my fingers through my mussy, curly hair.

She growls, jerks at the steering wheel, and focuses back on the road. “Take a nap.”

Instead, I reach in my bag and pull out the mini box of Fruity Loopy cereal. As I pull on the tab, Candy says, “Stop! Where’d you get that.” But she’s too late. I’ve already opened the box. A snake head’s peaks out, ready to strike. And he’s not alone.

Angels Dark And Dumb Margery Reveal

It’s reveal time. Got lots to show, but today is devoted to Margery the Demon. She is awesome! Special thanks to Rebecca Treadway at Atrtink.

So, it’s only fitting to share Margery’s introduction to Barry in Call for Obstruction. This is chapter 2, which is basically Barry’s job interview.

BTW, Angel’s Dark and Dumb eBooks will be $1.99 for
Amazon Prime Day from July 11-12.

ENJOY!

The OTG parking lot’s blocked by a couple car carrier semi-trailers. Parked willy-nilly across the lot are a dozen or more new OTG vans. Hopefully a sign that the company’s doing well, and this job will last longer than a month. I park on a side street and jog through the mayhem of vehicles to the entryway.

My phone sounds off near the office door. I clench my teeth. This time it is my mother. It’s like she has a sixth sense about me wasting all the money she spent on my private college education. The fact that I acquired a Computer Science degree by nineteen burns a little more with each unskilled job I take, and lose. How can her smart boy be such a loser?

My finger swipes hard against the surface to ignore her call, but she always tries twice. After counting to ten in my head, the device announces another incoming call from Mom. Only this time the screen blacks out after the first ring. I press the power button. No response despite the half-charged battery. Why argue with good timing? I put the phone in my pocket and step inside the OTG lobby.

The place is deserted even though Margery said she’s always here. Her office is nothing like the typical delivery drop-off site. Reminds me a little of my grandmother’s basement, or a time warp into the nineteen-seventies. Wood paneling, windowless walls, and dark brown cabinets along one wall make the room eerie despite the florescent lighting.

The empty liquor bottles scattered across an olive green countertop and beside the color-coordinated refrigerator could explain her confusion about the accident. The smoke rising from an ashtray on a nearby table tells me she’s prone to bad habits. Who am I to complain? My other bosses this year run stiff competition for worst manager of all time.

“Barry, you made it,” says a now familiar voice that seems to come out of nowhere.

I jump, turn, and look downward. A hunchbacked crone with flaming red and orange streaked hair stands behind me. Either she’s light on her feet or a magician in her spare time. Her hairdo’s combed upwards, like a troll doll, lifting her height to nearly five feet. The woman sure likes orange. It’s also the color of the leggings below her blue oversized Broncos t-shirt.

She holds out her hand. “Margery.” We shake and electricity surges up my arm. When I stumble backward, she lets go. A crooked smile turns up one side of her puckered mouth and she winks. “You find the warehouse okay?” Her breath packs a punch that smells like raw hamburger rotting in an ashtray.

With eyes popped wide from the lingering electricity, I nod my head.

She points toward the table and leaves me standing in the middle of the lobby. I follow, stroking my vibrating knuckles.

At the table, a chair slides out and hits my leg.

I pause.

The last half hour replays in my head: a strange van, an unexplained phone call, and now the furniture moves on its own.

I should have followed my first instinct. I should have gone home.

I peer across the table to tell her I’m leaving.

Margery’s charcoal eyeliner spirals around a bloodshot gaze. She draws me in like a tractor beam. In a slow, hypnotic hum, she says, “Have a seat.”

I flop into the chair, but not of my own free will. Set in front of me is a foot-high stack of paper that wasn’t there a few seconds ago. I open my mouth to ask about it.

Margery shushes me and reaches for the remnant of the still smoldering cigarette in the ashtray. She holds it between her thumb and index finger, places it between pursed lips, and inhales deeply. The cigarette crackles and snaps until it fires against her skin. When there’s no more smoke to draw in, she drops the butt into the ashtray and tamps her thumb down on the red-hot tip. The aroma of tobacco mixed with burning flesh fills the air.

“Before you can work for us”—she pauses to lick ash off her blackened fingertips with a serpent-like tongue—“you must agree to a few employment terms and sign our standard contract. All our drivers sign one.”

Bile rises to the back of my throat. I swallow hard and point at the tall stack of paper. “The contract seems excessive. What’s in it?” Not that I’m going to sign it.

She falls back in her chair, lifts her arm, and a newly lit cigarette appears out of nowhere. “Top copy’s salary, fifty-five an hour plus time-and-a-half overtime. There’s other standard stuff for liability and such.” She flips her hand as if the latter part is unimportant.

My eyes open wide at the thought of making more an hour than any job I’ve ever landed. But I don’t like that this lady can make me sit like a trained dog. I slide my chair back, ready to get up and leave, and at the same time wonder what sort of liabilities require that much documentation.

“Driving for us or any courier service can be dangerous, among other things,” she says, as if she heard my thoughts.

“Are you talking about accidents? Are these like insurance forms?”

“Sure.” She picks up the pen and holds it out. “Like insurance forms.”

I rub the back of my neck and watch her wave the pen like a pendulum. “So if anything happens to me, I’ll be taken care of?”

“Yeah, Honey. We’ll take care of you.” That creepy grin curls up one side of her mouth again.

As much as I’d like to get the hell out of here, this job’s salary will keep me independent, not to mention buy me a new computer. Hell, I would sell my soul rather than move back in with my mother. My chair slides back up to the table with no effort from me.

“Right there at the bottom,” she says. “Sign your name and you’re employed.”

My eyes fix on the nib as it continues to sway left and right. In the background, Margery duplicates into two hovering heads, then three, then four. The more she multiplies, the blurrier my vision, until all the colors turn to blackness.

* * *

“All done,” Margery’s voice echoes in my head while the room comes back into focus.

“I signed?” Smoke belches out of my mouth. I jump to my feet and the chair screeches across the floor. “What did you do to me?”

She stands and pulls the tall stack of papers to her side of the table. “Be here tomorrow morning at six o’clock sharp.”

“I don’t think so.” More smoke escapes my mouth and clouds my vision. I turn around, full circle, and find I’m wasting my breath. There’s no one left in the room but me.

Go to the Angels Dark and Dumb Series Page from July 11-12 to get the eBooks for $1.99.

I Can’t Stop Thinking About Zombies

Yep, I got zombies on the brain. That’ll tell you how much I love them. Could also be because I started reading Do Zombies Dream of Undead Sheep?: A Neuroscientific View of the Zombie Brain by Timothy Verstynen and Bradley Voytek. So far it’s blowing my mind on how the brain works. I also did the collage to the right recently. Lots of fun and one of my favorites so far.

Very exciting news on my Amazon followers. I have 44. Okay, not so impressive, but if you had asked me before they added the number to Author Central, I’d have said I likely have only 3. I guess they added it a while back, but I just learned about it. Forced me to also spend some time there, updating my author profile. I’m not a huge fan of the new look and feel of the author pages though. Oh well.

And speaking of being an author, book covers are still in the works for the first 3 books. Everything else is ready to go. Trying to make sure I meet a May 15th release date. Still giving out Warrant for Damnation for free if you want it. Go to the Contact page to make a request.

Have a great week!